


Aziraphale and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by PepperVL



Category: Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Day - Judith Viorst, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst and Humor, Crack, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Ridiculous, Seriously Children's Book Level Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperVL/pseuds/PepperVL
Summary: Aziraphale could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. He dropped his book while reading and now the spine is cracked. He tripped over the books he’d been inventorying and dropped his cocoa. It was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.(A retelling ofAlexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Daystarring our favorite angel.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 45





	Aziraphale and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw a fic that had “Aziraphale had _a day_ ” in the summary and of course, my brain goes straight to one of my favorite childhood books, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst, illustrated by Ray Cruz. I had to do an Aziraphale version, and of course, I had to keep to the beats of the original masterpiece. 
> 
> Thanks to Tarek for the beta.

I dropped my book while reading and now the spine is cracked and when I stood up to repair it I tripped on the stack of books I’d been inventorying and by mistake I dropped my cocoa on my favorite waistcoat while Crowley wasn’t around to fix it and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast, the table next to us got a whole extra plate of food for free and Crowley got an extra egg that he didn’t even want to eat, but when the server should have brought out my breakfast she said they had just run out of quiche and I would need to order something else.

I think I’ll move to Alpha Centauri.

On the bus to the antiquarian book fair a group of tourists filled up the entire bus. A group of students stood in the aisles too. I said please let me through. I said my stop was coming up. I said I needed to get off here. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At the book fair, someone purchased a first edition Wilde just as I was about to pick it up.

At the next table they said I pushed in front of someone. At the auction they said I couldn’t bid because I forgot to register for a bidder number. Who needs a bidder number? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because the membership committee said I couldn’t be a member anymore. They said I had to have clear, fair prices on my books to be a member and regular opening hours to be a member and that I could only be a supporter.

I hope you sit on a broken chair, I said to the membership committee. I hope the next time you have a big stack of books the top book falls off and lands in Alpha Centauri.

At the ice cream cart outside the book fair a young lady got a strawberry lolly and her friend got a raspberry sorbet and the couple after them got two different cones with hundreds and thousands on them. Guess who was told they were out of flakes for the vanilla with a flake?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That’s what it was because after I got back to the shop I found a note from Heaven. Come to a meeting next week and talk to us, said Heaven.

Next week, I said, I’m going to Alpha Centauri.

On my way back out of the bookshop I bumped into the Archangels and while they were telling me that the note was very important a car drove by and splashed me with mud and then when I got upset because it ruined my coat Gabriel said I was soft and while I was yelling at Gabriel for calling me soft the Almighty shone Her Light down on us and scolded me for yelling.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then Crowley and I went shopping for new coats. He chose a beautiful black leather jacket that was soft as butter. I chose a delightful camel hair coat that reminded me of one I’d had at the turn of the 19th century, but then the salesman said it was discontinued and they didn’t have my size. I had to buy a modern-looking coat so I would have something to wear to dinner but they can’t stop me from miracling it into something stylish.

At dinner we almost didn’t have a table because Crowley had asked me to miracle the reservation and I forgot. The waiter said to be careful with the crepes suzette while they were flaming and I was except my elbow bumped it when I leaned in to tell Crowley something. Crowley was showing me something on his phone and I hit the wrong part of the screen and I think I called Alpha Centauri. The maître d’ said please don’t dine at the Ritz anymore.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There were geese in Saint James Park and I hate geese.

There were loud talkers on the pavement as we walked home and I hate loud talkers.

My cocoa was too hot, I got marshmallow on my nose, my biscuit broke into crumbs when I picked it up and I had to wear my white waistcoat. I hate my white waistcoat.

When I settled in to read, I’d left the book I wanted back at the bookshop and the bookmark fell out of my backup book, and I cut my finger while turning a page.

Crowley wants to sleep, not stay up with me.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

The Almighty says some days are like that.

Even on Alpha Centauri.[1]

* * *

[1] “Wait, what?” Crowley sits up and rubs his eyes. “The _Almighty_ says? She’s talking to you? There are _people_ on Alpha Centauri?” Return to text


End file.
